It took a while for me to write this blog post.
Dolores O’Riordan, best known as the lead singer of the 1990s alternative rock group The Cranberries, died on Jan. 15, 2018. She was 46 years old.
I, along with many Generation X-ers, was so sad to hear about her death.
Dolores’ work with The Cranberries taught me that our words can be a friend to people we may never meet.
Dolores O’Riordan of The Cranberries – Photo Credit
“But I’m in so deep. You know I’m such a fool for you.” – from The Cranberries song “Linger”
This was the first Cranberries song I heard that felt somewhat relevant to me.
I was in high school and I had an unrequited crush on one of my male friends. I felt like I was in so deep and like a fool. But he didn’t know I felt this way. He probably had a girlfriend at the time, if I’m remembering things correctly, which is probably why I didn’t say anything.
All I knew is that the whole situation sucked.
And at the time I just added The Cranberries song “Linger” to my mental playlist (this was during the prehistoric era of the mid-1990s, before iTunes, Spotify and Pandora). This mental playlist had songs that could be summed up as “Yep, I’m in love. But love sucks and let me tell you why it sucks.”
This message could apply to a lot of 1990s alternative rock songs.
But everything changed when my mom died of cancer in 1995.
“There’s no need to argue anymore.” – from the song “No Need to Argue”
I loved my mom and I know she loved me.
But we had a typical complex relationship that most mothers have with their teenage daughters.
Most of our arguments (whether it was about curfews, doing chores, etc.) reflected the bigger issue of me thinking I was already an adult who could make her own decisions, and my mom knowing that wasn’t true while I was only 13 years old, or 15, or 17.
It was around the time my mom died and about a year or so afterward that The Cranberries released two albums, “No Need to Argue” and “To the Faithfully Departed.”
Both albums had at least a few songs that dealt with the issues of death, grief and/or family.
Those songs helped me cope with my mom’s death by letting me know that I was not alone in my grief. I had great friends who were supportive. But at the time, only one of my friends had lost a parent.
And there was a strange mixture of anger, sadness, regret, and even relief inside of me that seemed impossible to put into words.
The Cranberries’ songs, including “No Need to Argue,” “When You’re Gone,” among others, found the words I couldn’t say.
There’s no such thing as a good time to lose a family member or a friend.
But I’m sad for Dolores’ family and friends, along with those grieving other friends and family members who have recently died, are starting a new year with loss.
When someone dies, we often say that there are no words to bring enough comfort to those who are grieving.
And there seem to be hundreds of blog posts about what not to say to someone dealing with grief.
It’s true, you do have to watch your words when offering comfort.
But that’s no excuse to stay away from someone who’s hurting. And unfortunately, that happens. A lot.
It’s important to show up and let people know that you want to offer help, offer a hug, and offer as much support as you can.
Our words don’t have to be perfect.
They just have to be present.
And sharing our own stories, whether we write a poem, a blog post, a short story, an essay, or a book, can help someone else feel like they are not alone.
Even if you never meet that person face to face.
Please share with us in the comments below your thoughts about any musician, author, or any other creative artist who has inspired you. You can also share any lessons learned, questions or any other comments you have about writing.